The witness of an imperfect life

I recently watched this video after hearing about it from a friend. Before you read what I wrote, please watch it. It takes about six minutes and you will definitely need a box of Kleenex but please don’t let that stop you from experiencing it. It is so worth the tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

I don’t think I have ever experienced such a rush of emotions over a six minute video. My tears started the minute the video started and hours later I was still crying. I experienced feelings of extreme sadness, conviction, and comfort. As I am prone to do lately, I began asking myself what it was about this video that touched my heart so extremely. Why had this video of this baby’s short life impacted me in so many ways at so many different levels? I prayed and asked God to help me unpack what I felt and to see what He wanted me to see. I would like to share what He showed me and how this touched my heart.

The first perspective I viewed this video with was through the eyes of a parent and grandparent. The sorrow and sadness of this short life was overwhelming as was the pain and confusion for the parents and grandparents of this tiny baby. As I began to examine this perspective, I realized that this was different than what I saw on the video. I didn’t see sorrow or sadness, I saw joy. I didn’t see anger and confusion, I saw peace. I didn’t see withdrawal of affection or refusal to love, I saw extreme love. I didn’t see a couple questioning God, demanding answers or fairness, I saw a young couple walking the path God had for them, taking one day at a time, enjoying and treasuring each day, knowing that unless God sent a healing miracle, their baby would die soon.

My sorrow and sadness for the loss of a child and the grief of the parents quickly turned to conviction and I cried fresh tears for my stubborn, rebellious heart and how I would have reacted in a similar situation. Would I have even had the faith and courage to choose to carry this “defective” baby to term or would I have done what made sense to the world, terminate it in the best interests of the baby and the parents? My heart was broken at the selfishness of my own heart and the heart of a nation who doesn’t view life, especially a less than perfect life as a treasure and blessing from God, who believe the deception that to terminate life is a noble motive. The world tells us we are in control of our own bodies so we can choose life or death. God tells us He is in control. The sorrow and anger He must feel about a nation who has removed the choice of life and death from His hands.

As I was thinking about this, I was further convicted by the opposite emotions and actions I saw in the parents as they walked through their decision to choose life for their baby. How would I have handled this? Would I have spent ninety nine days crying out to God, “Why? This isn’t fair. Fix it.”, demanding that God tell me the purpose for this before I engaged in the process and path He had for me? I was grieved once again at my selfishness to think if that had been my choice I would have missed the ninety nine days of blessing and joy that this couple enjoyed with their baby. I would have missed the path God had for me because it didn’t make sense or it was too painful to walk, whatever reason my selfish heart would have given to justify not loving this baby and cherishing each minute I had with him. I again cried tears of conviction for all the times I had not walked the path God had for me because it was too painful or didn’t make sense or wasn’t a path I really wanted to walk. I cried for the peace, joy, love I missed because of my selfishness and my attempts to shield my heart from pain or suffering.

The love and joy shining from the eyes of the parents, the pride in the daddy’s voice as he bragged about small steps that to most of us who have raised children blow by without any notice, the peace they shared when they said good-bye were in such contrast to way I was raised and unfortunately to the way I raised my own children. God began taking my tears of repentance at the selfishness of my heart, my failures as a parent, my loss as a child and began speaking words of Truth. He asked me where I thought the parents got the strength to walk this path for ninety nine days. It was a long enough time that human effort would have worn thin with the chaos and confusion of a sick baby, lack of sleep, death of the baby looming. I knew the answer was God, that He had given them the strength to walk this path well, to love this baby as a blessing from Him, living and treasuring each day, celebrating tiny victories and persevering to the end, even if the end was death. It was at that moment that I realized that the parent’s were reflecting the father heart of God, our Abba. We had been allowed to see God’s heart for His children.

He began to comfort me with the truth of how He felt about us, His truth, not the truth based on my earthly parents or the damage done by the world. We are not so different from baby Elliot. We are all born defective in some way and most of us become even more defective as we grow up. To God we are all His treasures in spite of our defects. He doesn’t see our defects, He sees children with potential, full of life and possibilities. He loves us unconditionally just like the parents who loved their son even though he wasn’t perfect. He wants what is best for us and only He knows what that is. He is not like earthly parents who often don’t know how or don’t show love. This small little boy was not defined by his imperfection as the world wanted, but by the unconditional love and support of his parents. Their love gave this baby’s life purpose and meaning, even if it was only for ninety nine days.

He then showed me that we are like Elliot in that we can’t fix our own defects. This baby was totally dependent on the care of his loving parents. He had nothing within himself to fix his defects. How much time have I spent trying to fix myself so I can be good enough to be loved? I have been deeply loved all along. God might see my wounds or imperfections but it doesn’t change the way He feels about me. He doesn’t compare my successes and failures with any of His other children or think less of me because of my struggles. I think God, just like the proud father in the video, is delighted with each small step we take. He is our biggest cheerleader.

I am still humbled by the unconditional love of these parents and the way they walked the path laid out for them with such grace and joy. It couldn’t have been easy or comfortable and certainly didn’t make sense or seem fair, but they chose to walk it with God and do it well. I am also honored to have been invited into the short life of Baby Elliot. I am amazed at the impact that this tiny little life, imperfect by the world’s standard, that only lasted ninety nine days, had on the country. This video was on Oprah and brought her and the audience to tears. It has been viewed on You Tube almost 1.5 million times. That is no small witness because whether people realize it or not, when they watch this video, they are seeing straight into the heart of God. Somehow this doesn’t seem like an imperfect life but one that was used mightily by God for His purposes. Oh, that my life, however long it will be, could have that significant of an impact and be such a witness to a world that so desperately needs a Savior.