This is a question that I have been hearing a lot recently as the holiday quickly approaches. I am not sure how to answer this question, especially this year. My house has no tree or lights, not even a wreath on the door. The presents are unwrapped and still in my closet. Cards haven’t been addressed or even purchased. There has been no holiday baking or plans to do any. Does this mean I am not ready for Christmas?
After reflecting on this for a while I realized that this is probably the first Christmas season that I could answer truthfully with a resounding “Yes! I am ready for a time to remember the fulfillment of God’s promise to send a Savior and to reflect on all that was accomplished by this act of a loving Father and a willing Son.”
The season before Christmas is the Advent season. This is a season of preparation for the birth of Jesus, a time to prepare hearts to remember the gift of His Son and His time on earth, and to look forward with anticipation to the yet unfulfilled promise of a second coming of the Son as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords to establish His final kingdom. Advent is marked by feelings of hope and anticipation. It is a season of possibilities and new beginnings. It presents a question that even the non believers can’t ignore. If this child’s birth we are celebrating actually was Jesus, the Son of God, and He was born to a virgin, lived a sinless life, was killed and resurrected, could the rest of the story be true as well? Is He returning a second time to judge the world? Do I need to do something about this man named Jesus?
As for me, this was the year I have finally, irrevocably done something about Jesus, I opened the doors to my heart and let Him come in and allowed Him to change my cold, dead heart to a new soft heart full of His love and grace. My faith moved from head knowledge to a heart relationship but only after I opened the door and allowed Him access to the dark, hidden rooms that held all my pain and sin. The transformation in my life has been amazing and to me is nothing short of a miracle. I have truly been reborn, awakened to a life with hope and possibilities, given a chance to walk the path that I was created to walk which will bring meaning and purpose to all I have experienced. Eternity is now something I can anticipate with longing, for that time of endless sweet fellowship and relationship with the One who came back for me, who paid my price of admission into that fellowship with His life so that I might enter in.
To think it all started with the birth of a baby, a very special baby who came to set us free and who grew up to become the all powerful, victorious King of Kings who will return one day soon to establish His eternal kingdom of peace. What hope, what joy, what endless possibilities.
My heart is ready for this Christmas season even though the outward signs of the holiday aren’t evident yet. I realize now that the tree and lights, the gifts and cookies are not something I should do first to prepare for this season. For me, these are things I should do after I have prepared my heart to remember and refocus on the special gift of promise offered by this birth. They are outward signs of the joy, hope and anticipation that are living within my heart. They are reflections of the light, hope and love that I have living within me, something tangible I can share with the world. They are a celebration of the things He has done and have yet to do, a celebration of new beginnings and possibilities!
I think I am ready to go put up some lights and buy a few gifts for some special people! My prayer is that you, too, can find hope and joy this season and can see the unlimited possibilities that are offered by the birth of this baby.
Come, Lord Jesus, come.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Circling
I have had a rough week and find myself looking for the safety and darkness of that pit I lived in for so long. I am amazed how quickly I can slip back into some old ways of thinking and how easily it is to believe the lies.
Thanksgiving was a great family time. The house was full with kids, grandkids and “adopted” kids. My house always feel better when there are little ones sleeping in it. Although the family bonding was good, it was also a difficult season in many ways. This was the first holiday I got to try out my new low carb diabetic diet. That was quite eye-opening. I never realized how many times I tasted things I was cooking. A few tastes of mashed potatoes, gravy, and sweet potato soufflé and I am over my carb limit for a week. It was hard to buy, then cook the traditional turkey and ham dinner and only get to eat the meat and a few veggies. I guess I was feel a little deprived and felt a little betrayed by a body that just wasn’t working like it should.
This Thanksgiving was also the first official holiday without my daughter’s family being part of the festivities. We talked to them in India but somehow it wasn’t the same. The hole that they left is still there and feels really empty this time of year. Taylor’s birthday is coming right before Christmas and she is a little disappointed that I can’t “drive to India” for her birthday party. I admit I am disappointed too. I am saddened to think about Christmas without Hurricane Vars as a part of it. Things change, don’t they?
I went to the doctor for a follow up visit on my hormones and diabetes treatment. I was quite discouraged to hear the doctor warn me that my numbers were not coming down like he would like and we would try one more medication but if that didn’t work, injectible insulin would be the next step. I guess I wasn’t prepared for that. The reality of shooting myself in the stomach with insulin makes this disease very real and all of a sudden it assumes a much bigger role in my life than I wanted it to. So much for what I wanted…
And last but not least, I went to the eye doctor to find out why I was having so much trouble with my eyes. In my disillusioned state of thinking that maybe I had found the fountain of youth with this new diet and the meds I was taking, I was prepared to hear that my eyes had improved and that was why I couldn’t see. Wrong again! They actually have jumped a full diopter in each eye. That is one of the largest corrections I can remember. This increase on top of my already large prescription means I am really not a candidate for LASIK and getting close to the point where contacts will no longer be an option.
To say I am discouraged is an understatement and yes, I am having a pity party. If I am honest I am a little upset with God, too. Doesn’t He remember everything else I have been through this year? Haven’t I gone through more in these last few years then some people do in an entire lifetime? Is this love because it sure doesn’t feel like it? What would have happened to me if I had been one of His children if this is what happens to one of His own? I wanted to start the backhoe and begin digging out the opening to my pit but then I chose to do what I had learned over the last year, to turn to God with my disappointment and discouragement and to trust that He would be there.
I am doing an inductive study of the Psalms and this morning I read Psalm 109 where David is venting to God about how he is feeling about being slandered. David didn’t mince words or try to make it sound politically correct or pretty. He just told God what He was feeling which is funny because God already knew but He wants us to acknowledge it before He does anything about it. After studying that Psalm for a while I was encouraged to do the same thing. If God allowed David to say what was on his heart, wouldn’t He listen to me as well? I began journaling about my disappointments and frustrations and just like He did with David, He allowed me to get it all out. I am always amazed that God, the creator of all things, will give me the time to vent about what is on my heart and not only that He will allow me to do it, He wants me to do it. I am certainly not David yet He listens. That is still a mind boggling truth to me.
After I vented and acknowledged my disappointment with my situation and with God, He began reminding me of a time during my journey out of my past when it wasn’t moving fast enough and felt like I wasn’t making any forward progress. At that time, God told me we were circling just like my husband does when he is waiting his turn to land at an airport and just like Moses did out in the wilderness for forty years. He very gently reminded me that He was in control, His way and His timing, and that this is a season of further refining much like the wilderness experience was for Moses and his followers. He wants me to work through my disappointment with life and with Him but continue to love and obey Him in spite of it. I am not always going to get my way, things are not always going to work out the way I had hoped, would I continue to follow Him if this happened? Would I still love Him if my situation doesn’t improve or gets worse? What is in my heart? Will it stay open to Him even if life isn’t fair or doesn’t make sense? He can’t or won’t force me to continue on with Him, it will always be my choice but what better way to learn this then to walk it out. He doesn’t promise us a walk without disappointment or pain, He does promise to be with us as we walk out whatever it is that is on our path.
I would like to say I am totally better but that wouldn’t be truth. I am comforted and confident that God is with me and He is in control. I have resolved to walk through these situations with His grace and strength and to keep my heart open to Him. I don’t know how long this season of circling will continue, I am praying that it doesn’t last forty years like it did for the exiles in the wilderness but whatever happens I have the assurance that I am not walking it alone so for now you can find me circling.
Thanksgiving was a great family time. The house was full with kids, grandkids and “adopted” kids. My house always feel better when there are little ones sleeping in it. Although the family bonding was good, it was also a difficult season in many ways. This was the first holiday I got to try out my new low carb diabetic diet. That was quite eye-opening. I never realized how many times I tasted things I was cooking. A few tastes of mashed potatoes, gravy, and sweet potato soufflé and I am over my carb limit for a week. It was hard to buy, then cook the traditional turkey and ham dinner and only get to eat the meat and a few veggies. I guess I was feel a little deprived and felt a little betrayed by a body that just wasn’t working like it should.
This Thanksgiving was also the first official holiday without my daughter’s family being part of the festivities. We talked to them in India but somehow it wasn’t the same. The hole that they left is still there and feels really empty this time of year. Taylor’s birthday is coming right before Christmas and she is a little disappointed that I can’t “drive to India” for her birthday party. I admit I am disappointed too. I am saddened to think about Christmas without Hurricane Vars as a part of it. Things change, don’t they?
I went to the doctor for a follow up visit on my hormones and diabetes treatment. I was quite discouraged to hear the doctor warn me that my numbers were not coming down like he would like and we would try one more medication but if that didn’t work, injectible insulin would be the next step. I guess I wasn’t prepared for that. The reality of shooting myself in the stomach with insulin makes this disease very real and all of a sudden it assumes a much bigger role in my life than I wanted it to. So much for what I wanted…
And last but not least, I went to the eye doctor to find out why I was having so much trouble with my eyes. In my disillusioned state of thinking that maybe I had found the fountain of youth with this new diet and the meds I was taking, I was prepared to hear that my eyes had improved and that was why I couldn’t see. Wrong again! They actually have jumped a full diopter in each eye. That is one of the largest corrections I can remember. This increase on top of my already large prescription means I am really not a candidate for LASIK and getting close to the point where contacts will no longer be an option.
To say I am discouraged is an understatement and yes, I am having a pity party. If I am honest I am a little upset with God, too. Doesn’t He remember everything else I have been through this year? Haven’t I gone through more in these last few years then some people do in an entire lifetime? Is this love because it sure doesn’t feel like it? What would have happened to me if I had been one of His children if this is what happens to one of His own? I wanted to start the backhoe and begin digging out the opening to my pit but then I chose to do what I had learned over the last year, to turn to God with my disappointment and discouragement and to trust that He would be there.
I am doing an inductive study of the Psalms and this morning I read Psalm 109 where David is venting to God about how he is feeling about being slandered. David didn’t mince words or try to make it sound politically correct or pretty. He just told God what He was feeling which is funny because God already knew but He wants us to acknowledge it before He does anything about it. After studying that Psalm for a while I was encouraged to do the same thing. If God allowed David to say what was on his heart, wouldn’t He listen to me as well? I began journaling about my disappointments and frustrations and just like He did with David, He allowed me to get it all out. I am always amazed that God, the creator of all things, will give me the time to vent about what is on my heart and not only that He will allow me to do it, He wants me to do it. I am certainly not David yet He listens. That is still a mind boggling truth to me.
After I vented and acknowledged my disappointment with my situation and with God, He began reminding me of a time during my journey out of my past when it wasn’t moving fast enough and felt like I wasn’t making any forward progress. At that time, God told me we were circling just like my husband does when he is waiting his turn to land at an airport and just like Moses did out in the wilderness for forty years. He very gently reminded me that He was in control, His way and His timing, and that this is a season of further refining much like the wilderness experience was for Moses and his followers. He wants me to work through my disappointment with life and with Him but continue to love and obey Him in spite of it. I am not always going to get my way, things are not always going to work out the way I had hoped, would I continue to follow Him if this happened? Would I still love Him if my situation doesn’t improve or gets worse? What is in my heart? Will it stay open to Him even if life isn’t fair or doesn’t make sense? He can’t or won’t force me to continue on with Him, it will always be my choice but what better way to learn this then to walk it out. He doesn’t promise us a walk without disappointment or pain, He does promise to be with us as we walk out whatever it is that is on our path.
I would like to say I am totally better but that wouldn’t be truth. I am comforted and confident that God is with me and He is in control. I have resolved to walk through these situations with His grace and strength and to keep my heart open to Him. I don’t know how long this season of circling will continue, I am praying that it doesn’t last forty years like it did for the exiles in the wilderness but whatever happens I have the assurance that I am not walking it alone so for now you can find me circling.
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