New wine in old wineskins

“Nor do people put new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wineskins burst, and the wine pours out and the wineskins are ruined; but they put new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved.” (Matt. 9:17)

I love word pictures, don’t you? The parables are amazing teaching tools and allow complex concepts and new ideas to be presented in a manner that even the young or uneducated can understand. I was amazed and overwhelmed that this word picture given so long ago by Jesus to His disciples about the resistance He was encountering from the scribes and Pharisees could bring such clarity to an entirely different situation in my own life.

When I was struggling to deal with the issues from my childhood, frustrated by the tediousness of the process and the snail’s pace it felt I was moving, discouraged by the lack of progress, tired from the pain, totally depleted and drained, all these feelings made sense in light of the work I was doing to clean out the debris packed in my heart. Now on the other side of this, being out of the pit, feet firmly planted above ground, heart expanded and full of truth, these same feelings take me by surprise. What am I supposed to do with frustration, disappointment, depletion, discouragement? After everything I have been through and the freedom I have found, why are these feelings still hanging around and will they be part of me forever? Life out of the pit shouldn’t include these feelings, should it? I thought the whole idea of going through all that pain and suffering to climb out was to rid myself of those feelings, was it all for naught?

This teaching by Jesus about new wine in old wineskins was an “aha” moment and I immediately saw my internal struggle and where these feelings were coming from. My new heart full of truth and promise is the new wine. My life and circumstances are the old wineskin. Even though I have been remodeled from the inside out, I am still residing in the same life as before. I am different but the situation isn’t. I am still married to the same man, have the same parents, siblings, children and grandchildren and still live in the same place. My formal education level didn’t increase because of my struggle to be free, no initials were added after my name to reflect this newly attained status (Lori Dumler, FCNF, Former Captive Now Free). Living above ground hasn’t instantly given me a mindful of dreams and aspirations or a direction for my future. Certain areas of my life have actually been harmed by my years in the pit and the struggle to be freed, my career or lack of it, my bank balance, my health, my prospects of ever figuring out what I want to be when I grow up and then living long enough to achieve it.

Now that I am free and have endless possibilities in front of me, I must now choose what to do with this new freedom and which possibilities to pursue. Part of me embraces this freedom. Another part is terrified by it. The part of me where dreams, desires, and playing were supposed to be nurtured, grow and bloom has been dead for so long and has only recently come back to life that I’m not sure how to do any of these things. I can encourage others to do them but never had the chance or learned to do them for myself. My kids and I have had many conversations recently on being too old to learn to play. Most days I think that goes for dreaming too.

What do I do with this new freedom and all the choices? How much elasticity and stretch can I get out of my old wineskin? At this point in my life, are my dreams and desires constrained by what will fit in the old wineskin? Or am I allowed to put some of my life into a new wineskin and, if so, which parts?

As I read back over what I have written, I see the cause of my frustration and the struggle I am having with my old wineskin. I am looking at this through my old eyes, the eyes that can only see the circumstances and the outcomes that I am able to manipulate or control. My heart has been remodeled but my eyes still wander to myself, me, my circumstances, me, me, me!! I have taken my eyes off the One who is really in control, the One who was able to soften up this hard bitter heart and restore it to a new heart, the God of the impossible. I see that I am not only struggling with the confinement of the old, stiff wineskin, I have brought Him in there with me and constrained Him by my circumstances, given up hope that He can or will do anything about them, and in the process I have become resentful that I am not getting what I feel I deserve. I am not so different from Peter when he wanted to walk on water. He had enough faith to start walking but when Peter noticed his circumstances and focused on them, he began to sink. (Matt. 14: 28-31) Our hearts are good but our eyes, when they switch from focusing on Jesus to our circumstances, lead us into doubt and confusion.

If God could change my heart, do I believe He could do the same thing with the circumstances of my life, my old wineskin, and give me the grace and peace I need to deal with the things that can’t be changed? Of course I do. I also believe He will do that as soon as I turn my gaze back on Him instead of focusing on myself and the things that are constraining me. If God did such an amazing work in me, what can He do with my circumstances if I will only give him the chance? My circumstances instead of being a stumbling block are now an opportunity for God to move and for His glory to be revealed in another area of my life. The possibilities are endless, my choices are limited only by my ability to dream them. If He can empower Peter to walk on water, He can certainly teach me to play and dream if I will only ask Him.