"Rebuilding Ancient Ruins"

Thoughts on week 4 of “Breaking Free”
“Rebuilding the Ancient Ruins”

What an amazing God we serve! I was overwhelmed this week by the love and mercy of my Abba.

This week’s lessons in Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible study moved me to tears most days and I was humbled and honored to be a recipient of the promises God gives to His children who love and obey Him. Having just recently gone through a season of total demolition in preparation for a full life remodel of mind, body and spirit, I found this lesson very affirming of what I see God doing in my life but also what He wants to do in the life of my children, grandchildren and future generations I will probably never live to meet. I know I am on the road to healing and total restoration when I can look back at my life of abandonment, neglect, betrayal, and abuse and thank God that He has given me an opportunity to make a difference to the people whom I love the most, my children and grandchildren. I believe I have turned the corner and entered a new stage of life when my focus is no longer on the past, the damage, the pain but on the hope and possibilities that a freed life, walked in Truth and Light, clothed with garments of praise offers both me and those I love. God has taken something painful and ugly and, by my willingness to submit to His plan and process, has transformed it into a love story that reflects His love and compassion. I am so humbled to think the God who created the universe wants to use my whisper of a life to impact future generations and maybe others throughout the world who need to find a way to the loving arms of their Abba.

I was especially touched this week by the section on dreams for our grandchildren. This part was especially poignant as I just recently said good-bye to Taylor, my six year old granddaughter, and Logan, my four year old grandson, when they moved with their parents to become missionaries in India. I could feel God touching my heart, as the tears came yet again, and showing me that my past few years of such intense sorrow, loss, and suffering, dealing with the truth of my life and breaking free of chains that have held me since early childhood were indeed seen by Him and that He had already begun to use my feeble, faltering steps out of generations of bondage to transform the lives of my future generations. My willingness to walk through the pain and suffering of my past, to submit to His process of restoration for a broken life, brought such overwhelming, unexpected joy and hope that I was again brought to tears. My pain and sorrow has indeed been turned into joy and hope just like He promised it would be.

I am excited to see how God will move in the lives of my grandchildren. Before they left for India, my daughter asked Taylor what she wanted to be when she grew up. Previous answers had always been either a princess or a pony rider (whatever that is) but her answer this time was quite different. She said she wanted to be a woman who would rescue childrens (that is what she calls them since there are so many of them) in slavery, those kids who didn’t have a mommy or daddy, a nice bed, food or clothing and had to live with bad people. She prayed for the childrens to be OK until she could grow up to come get them and for the bad people who were keeping them as slaves. The faith of a child… oh, that we would all have this kind of faith.

My grandson, Logan, was asked the same question. Before moving to India, his answer was that he wanted to be an elephant so he could spray water on people. We describe Logan as the perfect cross between Curious George and Dennis the Menace. His answer wasn’t a surprise. After only two months in India, he proclaimed one day that he thought he was going to grow up and fight the armies of Shiva. This four year old child has no idea or knowledge of the armies of Shiva that are worshipped and honored in India as part of the Hindi faith. I can only surmise that God has already started working in his little heart preparing him for the walk that He has for him. Among the Americans in River City (fictious name to protect their location), Logan is being called the Little Prophet because of his willingness to tell the Hindi people he comes in contact with that his family doesn’t worship idols or false gods. I can already see God drawing this curious, usually wiggly and dirty little boy onto the path that He has set out for him. What a grand and glorious adventure both of these children have ahead of them! To think that my struggle to fight and stand up after generations of bondage is already being used by God before the process is even totally completed in me…..He needs faith as small as a mustard seed…the size doesn’t matter, it is the seed that He needs. My step toward healing has given Him that seed!

I would be lying to say that I am totally freed from my past, that I don’t have days where I am weary or frustrated, angry or emotional about the devastation in my life and how it hurt me and those I love. It would be a lie to say that I have peace everyday about the path I see God calling my children and grandchildren to walk or things He is asking me to do. I have come to accept that it is a process and will be a lifelong process of first walking out of my bondage and then choosing to live it every hour of every day, one step at a time. The difference now is that I have Hope and His name is Jesus. On those days when I can’t find my way or life doesn’t make sense, I run to my Savior and my Abba for the validation and comfort I need to keep walking. My plan has become His plan and my purpose is now His, for me and those I love. I can’t change my past or where He has placed my grandchildren but I can choose daily to trust Him and believe that He is in control. Many days this newfound peace and freedom brings me to my knees in praise of my Abba who pursued me into my pit of destruction and never gave up on me and for His Son, Jesus, who paid the price for my sins so I might have a relationship with Him now and forever.

My prayer is that if you too know this kind of freedom that you will continue to walk in it and never take it for granted. If you don’t know this kind of freedom, I pray that you will seek God with your whole heart, desiring truth above all else and submit to His process for restoration. Whatever it might cost you pales in comparison to the unsurpassing riches of His glory and grace in Christ Jesus.